House Arrest
by OctopusHasNoFriends
Summary: The Viscount has put the companions all under house arrest. Stuck together for three days in Hawke's house, I don't know, summaries always hate me. Fights and fun ensured. Only rated M for language.


_I just really liked the idea of all the companions and Hawke, being together like a big family.__ Cute and witty, if I may say.  
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_Criticism would be loved. I always want to learn more and improve my writing.  
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_Bioware owns all, in case you didn't know _

"I can't believe the Viscount has us all on house arrest." Hawke complained, pacing around her library. "And in _my _house. For three days! Couldn't be somewhere fun like the Hanged Man, oh no, let's let the good-hearted ruffians get drunk beyond belief and have a bar fight in the _kitchen _over the last _fruit tart_."

"What did you expect, Hawke?" Varric asked, sitting by the fire, parchment in hand, trying to get down the past days' events before the details escaped his memory.

"I expected to at least be confined to the Blooming Rose for a few days." Isabela said, looking through the library's book for anything like Hessarian's Spear to entertain her. "The most fuckable man in here has given himself to the blasted Maker! He wants a man he can never touch over me." She glared at Sebastian, who didn't look up from the book in his lap. "How can you _not _want to fuck me? Practically everyone wants to fuck me. I even think Aveline dreams about my pussy."

"And you being impaled with a jagged rusty sword, whore."

"Ooh, kinky!"

"Blondie looks free enough. Why don't you try him, Rivaini?" Varric suggested.

"He isn't free. Look at him, snuggling with Hawke's puppy."

Anders was sitting on the ground, Rufus a few feet away. He stared at the mabari hound, trying to hide his trembling. Rufus, curious as ever, took a cautious step towards the mage. Anders leapt in the air, almost climbing up the bookshelf behind him.

"Come on, Anders, Rufus just wants to say hello." Hawke said, kneeling down next to her faithful friend who happily licked her face.

"Hello, Rufus." Anders said dryly.

Rufus barked happily and bounded over to Anders, who ran to the nearest room, shutting the door as quickly as possible, shrieking like a girl all the while.

"We've found the abomination's weakness." Fenris smirked. "A puppy."

"I had a bad experience with dogs when I was younger!" Anders called angrily.

"Care to share?" Varric readied his writing quill.

"It would make for a horrible story, Varric!"

"Maybe he was raped by the other Grey Warden's mabaris?" Isabela suggested.

Aveline just shook her head. "How do you come up with these things?"

"Man-Hands, I was Captain of a whole mess of dirty, disgusting pigs of men. You learn from example."

"I made cookies!" Merrill said, walking into the library with a plate of basil and lemon biscuits in her hands. "Why are you all staring at me like that?" She looked between each of her companions, all of them gazing at her with various degrees confusion, amusement, with just plain ravaging gleaming eyes.

"Cookies?" Anders asked awkwardly from his hiding place in a broom closet.

"I call first dibs!" Sebastian said, leaping out of his chair and racing to Merrill.

"Not if I get there first!" Fenris called, twirling around Hawke and Rufus, graceful as the elf he was.

"Broody and Choir Boy, both with baked good fetishes, fighting to the death over Daisy's Dalish cookies. Broody has his Elvish grace, but Choir Boy is a rogue, and has plenty of tricks up his sleeves." Varric looked up at Isabela, who was now leaning against the armchair he was sitting in. "Wanna make a bet on the winner?"

"Is the winner the one who isn't dead, or the one with the cookies?"

"The one with the cookies. One of them could be bleeding guts and still win if he has one of Daisy's cookies."

"Three sovereigns on Sebastian." The pirate queen said. "His shiny armor is sure to blind the elf.

"You can win, my little wolf!" Hawke called. "There might be an extra surprise in store for you later." She said, trying to be seductive and not giggle like a little girl as Rufus pawed at her, making her lose her balance.

"Why are they chasing me?" Merrill asked, afraid and confused, frolicking around the large library, trying to avoid both men ravaging after her.

"They want your cookies, Kitten." Isabela told her. "And Hawke, don't help out Fenris please, or you owe me three sovereigns!"

"Wait, was that something dirty?" The blood mage asked, twirling just out of Sebastian's grasp.

"Actually, I mean that literally." Isabela said thoughtfully. "You do have a dirty mind, don't you, Kitten?"

Merrill blushed, running past Rufus, and stopping only to give the mabari a warm cookie.

"Aveline, wanna join in the bet?" Varric called to the guardswoman. "Just three sovereigns, Choir Boy or Broody?"

"Fenris, easily." Aveline said. "Cookies, and Hawke's encouragement will make him do anything."

"What do you know about that sort of encouragement, Man-Hands?" Isabela asked. "Have you been using some of those tricks I told you about on your hunky husband?"

Aveline just sighed, unable to answer, and Isabela burst out laughing. "Who are you betting on, Varric?" Aveline asked, trying to get the attention off of her.

"My money's on Anders." The dwarf said, having noticed the mage left his broom closet on the first mention of cookies. The mage had been watching carefully, noting how Merrill frolicked just out of Fenris and Sebastian's reach, the two men racing around furniture and their friends, trying to grab the Dalish elf and her delectable treats.

An eerie blue glow surrounded Anders' hands, and before the elf and ex-Prince knew it, they were both frozen in ice, mid-leap.

Anders walked up to Merrill, taking the plate from her hands, and giving her a kind smile. She blushed back, and he sat in front of his frozen friends, slowly eating the cookies.

"Pay up, ladies!" Varric grinned.

"Don't worry, Fenris, I'll still fuck you anyway!" Hawke told him happily.

"Cheater." Isabela muttered, handing the dwarf the money.

"Why did you give _him _the cookies?" Aveline asked Merrill.

"Well, someone had to try them. I wouldn't let the dog have the only opinion of my new recipe." Rufus barked happily, trotting over to Merrill and nuzzling against her, almost knocking the thin elf over. "Not that I don't care about your opinion, but I don't speak dog." She patted his head. "Anders was the only one who seemed he wanted them."

Fenris looked over at Sebastian and saw the evil gleam in his eyes as they both watched the healer eating their treats.

Revenge was certain.


End file.
